Saturday, January 16, 2010

Director of the Smurf movie speaks out about Haitian relief...

World famous movie director James Cameron, also a noted peacenik and anti-war apologist said Friday on CNN that he felt it was a shame that Americans could not put relief workers on the ground in Haiti as fast as we could deploy Special Forces troops when we plan to invade another country.

Clearly James, who has made millions working in the greatest country on the planet being allowed to showcase tremendous cutting edge technology and storytelling ability (I callz em as I seez em...) is so eager to create a Susan Sarandon Avatar for himself that he has found a way to make the horrendous suffering of an as yet uncounted number of thousands of the most poor and destitute people on the planet a mere apple-crate for him to stand on to espouse his crackpot philosophy. Very humanitarian of him.

Yes, the man is insanely talented. Still, (and I am not at all politically motivated in saying this) I have zero interest in seeing Avatar. Again.. not for his loopy anti-American hysteria, but because there is a fatal flaw in the movie. A BIG WHOPPING fatal flaw in the movie....

Lessee here... gung ho camouflage-wearing military types in bulky weapons of destruction wander across an idyllic jungle planet rich with natural resources and go to war with the natives... freakishly over-sized smurfs in loincloths who then use Ewok-tactics to try to save their world from destruction. Who's gonna win? Anybody out there wanna tell me? No really... there's no way to forecast THAT one....

Yes, I know there's a little more to it than that... but in a nutshell that's the plot. Big, colorful, and stupid... but not as much fun as GI Joe... because GI Joe knew it was stupid and didn't care... James thinks he has created high art that should rank him up there with Robert Maplethorpe. Yes.. the film is raking in more bucks than "An Inconvenient Truth" but money does not sway from the crackpot philosophy and the idea that I've already seen this picture in the mercifully much shorter George Lucas version.

And this is the point... All of this is completely irrelevant to the Haitian disaster. Cameron is actually using a moment of intense personal tragedy for all of us to get more bang for his theatrical buck. Bet the Haitians are grateful for that. Perhaps he can donate a few truckload of spare Academy Award screener DVDs to the beleaguered nation to help them heal their wounds.

I had considered that someday I might have watched Avatar on .. I dunno.. TBS... but now I think it would just make me sick to do that. But for those of you who want to see the movie in all it's glory, here's an animatic from the film....

"James Cameron's AVATAR: IN A NUTSHELL




Apologies of course to the original UNICEF Smurfs Anti-war video... itself an exercise in scaring the s**t out of children...

I'm Dr. Calamity and I approve this wide-screen Digital THX Surround-Sound message...

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