president hussein to legalize snuff/porn movies...

In a surprising move even by Nancy Pelosi's reckoning, president hussein has included a well-hidden clause in the second AIG stimulant that has nothing to do with AIG. Instead it enacts a law allowing for the de-criminalization of snuff/porn flicks.

The move, supported by ACORN representatives and endorsed by John McCain (who... it is widely believed..., doesn't understand exactly what those films are.... ) and John Kerry, is widely accepted by the California Fluffer Trades Union which is affiliated with the industry. It removes the restrictions put in place by the Bush Administration as well as the Hayes Commission, which, according to an unnamed hussein spokesman "...sexually asphyxiated the freedoms we hold dear in film-making.".

Why would hussein make such a broad and sweeping change to an industry that does not even have a Fox Network reality show supporting it? A careful background check of the president reveals that in the late 1970s during the heyday of such film-making he supported his college education and some other habits by doing side work as a voice-coach on snuff/porn flicks.

Ronald Reagan once noted that he had managed to avoid working in the field of snuff/porn but usually fails to mention that "Hellcats of the Navy", the film he worked with future wife Nancy Davis on, was originally commissioned as a snuff/porn flick which only changed course when the U.S. Navy agreed to provide an actual submarine for filming, which changed the film's setting from a seedy hotel room with ropes tied to each corner of the bed.

Amazingly, this move has not elicited much concern from the shadowy MPAA, although it is widely held that should this new law come into being, they would begin to rate most snuff/porn flicks in the much more profitable and cherished "R" rating category. Currently such films do not even get submitted to the MPAA for consideration and usually end up running late night on USA network.

I for one remember a time when all we had to do was worry about porn flicks. Or snuff flicks. The act of seeing a man and a woman, a woman and a woman, a man and a Chihuahua, a woman and a shetland pony, three albino women a dwarf and Randy Quaid, or any other combination therein having sexual intercourse on screen only becomes somewhat more seedy when you realize that someone will actually die during the filming.

I have always marvelled, however, at how many of these films I've seen where Randy Quaid has NOT been killed.

I'm Dr. Calamity and I approve of this message...