Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum....

Always the rebel, tackling subjects no one else is willing to write about, I have opted to turn my critical pen (er.. word processor...) to the subject of pirates. Not those fancy and somewhat glam Johnny Depps out there, or the classically handsome Orlando Blooms. Hell, I'm reasonably certain these pirates aren't even in Keira Knightly's level of competence.

No, I refer to the Somali pirates.

Now I want to say categorically that I disagreed with Rush Limbaugh earlier today when he wasted a huge amount of his show on how the recent incident was cause to be upset with president hussein. All sardonic witticisms aside, hussein's biggest sin was that he was so low-key about the incident. He did NOT step up to bat and try to make this his first international crisis.

But Rush, God love him, had it all worked out that this was a smile-for-the-cameras moment for our president, even criticizing him for making the executive decision to shoot to kill in the event it became necessary.

Which is, of course, the President's job.

So this isn't about Depp, it's not about hussein, nor is it about Rush.

It's about the pirates. And their business model.

At the moment I'm not even certain who said it first that the pirates had a very successful business model. Whoever it was was correct. The pirates have had a pretty plush time taking ships and their crews hostage and, with very few exceptions, releasing them after a tidy sum has been paid. From the standpoint of the Somalis this probably was their way of showing how nice they were... you know... not killing prisoners they took.

Then we Americans had to go and resist. That just pisses the rest of the world off. We have the belief that we should be able to travel through international waters unmolested by swarthy puffy-shirted types brandishing cutlasses and AK-47s. Why it's downright indecent of us to think that we're anything special. We should just keep our yaps shut and be nice little hostages.

Remember how that worked for the first few planes involved in 9/11? By the time the last plane was on its' way to DC the passengers and crew had caught wind of what was happening, and instead of just shutting up and sitting quietly they gave their lives to save many more American lives.

This is where definitions of heroism come into play. Normal Americans caught up in abnormal circumstances... being given the option to either be meek and mild, or bold and courageous. And the funny thing is, when we know the score... when those passengers on flight 93 knew that they had an enemy who wasn't after ransom or bargaining, but had made a decision to end their lives, those people rose up against them and generated a new battle cry for the 21st century.

"Let's Roll...."

This was the spirit in which the brave men of the Maersk Alabama vowed to regain control of their ship and then to try to rescue their Captain, a man for whom loyalty was truly deserving. That same spirit was part of what our Navy and SEAL teams brought to the table to confront these thugs.

And you may wonder just how heroic it is to surround four men on a fuel-depleted lifeboat with a mini aircraft carrier and other vessels, but the pirates were the ones creating the situation.

They had opportunities from the get-go to walk away and free their hostage.

But when you decide to step on America you can pretty much expect this will be the price you pay.

I DO wish hussein had actually taken the opportunity to be more involved. Sincerely. Not to chastise or criticize, but to send a clear signal to the world that you tread on us at your peril.

But that's not his style. No righteous indignation... not sense of anger that Americans had been harassed in international waters, just a typically gutless threat of holding pirates accountable.

So while our military executed impressive and daring maneuvers for the sake of one of our own, all hussein could muster was a promise of firm government oversight.

I feel safer already.

I'm Dr. Calamity and I approve this message.